Psychology: Should Children grow up to forgive their parents for mistakes they make?

2022-06-15 0 By

The name parents, in the secular perspective, often means protection, care, selfless dedication, always with divine glory.”The Book of Songs” said: “The polygonum I, the bandit I wormwood.Ai ai parents, I gave birth to labor.The polygonum I, the bandit I Wei.I am so sorry for my parents.But people are complicated and cannot be generalized.Not all men and women are automatically empowered to resist their selfish instincts by taking on the name of their parents.In reality, some parents not only never plan for their children, but intentionally or unintentionally bring harm to their children.If parents have made mistakes and caused harm to their children, should children forgive them?There is no universal answer to this question, mistakes can be big or small, and attitudes can vary from parent to parent.Bandura, an American psychologist, believes that people’s learning activities are mainly through observing the behavior of others in a specific situation, examining the reinforcement accepted by others, and taking others’ demonstration as the medium of imitation activities.When we are growing up, our parents’ behaviors are the ones we are most likely to imitate.Children grow up seeing their parents as perfect idols and models, assuming that everything they do is right.But as children develop self-awareness and come into contact with the wider world, they develop their own set of moral standards and learn to judge for themselves what is right and wrong.At this time in the eyes of parents, their children is hard wings, learn to “contradict”.Many parents can’t accept the transition, or won’t.In the traditional family, the absolute “filial piety” is followed and “all parents are respected” is respected.But to err is human, even as a parent.Faced with their own mistakes, some parents are able to reflect on themselves and communicate with their children as equals.And some parents not only to their own fault, but also in turn with a condescending attitude, moral kidnapping, blame children.Although there are differences between parents and children, they are equal in personality.Elders and juniors should have opportunities to correct and temper each other.When parents make a small mistake, if they can realize their mistake and sincerely apologize to the wronged child in a timely manner, such a family relationship pattern is healthy, and such parents can set a correct example for their children by words and deeds.Not only does this not diminish the authority of the parent, but it makes the child respect the parent from the bottom of his heart.If parents make some mistakes in daily life and refuse to admit them due to their face, we, as children, should also learn to tolerate and forgive.After all, parents are first-time parents, and some bad things are inevitable.But inclusiveness does not mean bottomless accommodation.Psychologists generally believe that children have the right not to forgive their parents if their actions have hurt us so deeply that the childhood ulcer will continue to ache for the rest of their lives.In real life, there are always some people standing on the moral high ground to judge others.When a traumatized child says he will never forgive his parents, relatives, even unrelated strangers, label him “unfilial,” judge him, and even condemn him.But since you are not victims and have not experienced the pain and suffering he endured, what makes you think you have the right to judge others so easily?Take the recent case of Liu Xuezhou as an example. His parents sold him for money when he was very young. He was bullied, looked down upon and harassed in his growing up.When he grew up after a long distance to find his biological parents, they not only did not sell Liu Xuezhou before selfish and heartless apology remorse, but further continue to hurt, they are afraid of Liu Xuezhou affect their divorce after their family, afraid of Liu Xuezhou become their economic burden, so blame him, as he is like the plague.After some distorted and exaggerated network reports, it became that Liu Xuezhou was looking for his parents to ask for housing and money, so that Liu Xuezhou suffered groundless accusations and abuse.It was the selfish, heartless parents who were at fault from beginning to end, but a child who had been abandoned at an early age had to bear all the blame.For those who criticize Liu Xuezhou, have you ever been abandoned by your parents since childhood?Have you ever experienced the insecurity of having no place to live?If not, how can you betray your conscience and have the courage to stand on the moral high ground to criticize others?As for his parents’ mistakes, Liu said: “They just made mistakes. Some mistakes can be forgiven, and some mistakes can never be forgiven.”Even parents can make inexcusable mistakes with their children.Just because they have the name of “parents”, because they contribute to the sex cells, the body of the child, can harm the child without blame.No one can deny that parents are great, but not all parents are great.Almost all parents love their children, but some treat them like slaves, while others treat them like cash cows.Most parents don’t abandon their children, but some do.Perhaps some people will think that between parents and children, blood is thicker than water, children do not forgive their parents, can not escape the fact of the blood relationship, rather try to forgive, but also let go of their own.However, is it really a kind of letting go of oneself to forgive parents for their unforgivable mistakes?I’m afraid not.By forgiving them, from an individual’s point of view, you accept that you deserved what you suffered in the past and leave them the opportunity to hurt themselves in the future.This will not only cause individual cognitive dissonance, become more depressed and inferior, but also encourage bad people to continue to do evil.The villain does evil without knowing it, but the victim’s heart and personality gradually disintegrates.Children have the right not to forgive their parents’ mistakes and should not be branded as “unfilial”.If the harm done to a child by his parents completely eclipses the joy he feels when he is born in this world, how can he remember his parents for their upbringing and not hate them?If one day, he put down, do not hate, it may be just, he finally decided to say goodbye to come, strong to spend the rest of their life.