“Thank you for saving face.” That’s how kids with high self-esteem are raised

2022-05-05 0 By

Have you noticed that in life, there are people who are not great at any one skill but still feel good about themselves?But some people are just as capable, or even better, and often doubt themselves?This powerful sense of self-worth is essentially a form of high self-esteem.The abstract existence of self-esteem is too important for both adults and children.Children with high self-esteem generally have a high opinion of themselves. Even if they fail or make a mistake, they can say, “So what if I failed this time?I might succeed if I try harder next time.”Kids with low self-esteem, on the other hand, hesitate when they try, and when they fail, they say, “I can’t do anything.”Children with high self-esteem can focus on their own advantages, even if they are denied, they can say, “People are not perfect all the best, I have a lot of other advantages ~” while children with low self-esteem, put their own value on the evaluation of outsiders, because of a little thing, they will completely deny themselves.They can’t help but take the smallest things as the biggest things. Even a criticism, an unfulfilled task, etc., will make them deny their own value.”High self-esteem must be developed early in life,” says Scott Parker, a psychologist. “It often takes less than half the effort to fix it in adulthood.”The two things that are most likely to cause low self-esteem in children in everyday life, we should try to avoid.A survey conducted by the China Youth and Children Research Center found that out of the 10 favorite parenting behaviors of children, the no. 1 is: Trust me.But surveys show that 95% of parents don’t trust their children at all!This survey must be mind-boggling to some people. How can it be!I have a lot of faith in kids.Although I do not want to admit it, but compared with the actual action, is also ashamed, it is the strength of the deduce what is called “inadvertently fully show the distrust of children.”Distrust your child’s ability: Your child helps carry the plate and you say, “You can’t carry it properly. Don’t break the plate.”Children sweep the floor with a broom, you say: “don’t sweep, you can’t sweep clean.”The child dilly-dally struggles with the button, and you say: “I’ll do it, you can’t fasten the button.”Because always feel the child is still small, inexperienced, so think the child is not capable, that can not do.Isn’t this a blatant distrust of children’s abilities?It creates a negative cue for the child to think, “I can’t, I can’t.”How do you know kids can’t do it if you don’t give it a try?Dale Carnegie, the father of American adult education, wrote in How to Win People over: The way to develop self-confidence is to do what you fear and have a successful experience!Trust can create a strong sense of responsibility and self-confidence.Kids don’t even have the opportunity to try, let alone experience the success of trying to do something well, and building confidence is a problem.However, is really too worried about the children do not do well?Yin jianli teacher said: “redundant reminders and comfort to satisfy the parents, but give children distrust and insult.So ah, before subconsciously rebuffed, might as well think about it first, this matter, the child must really not do, do not do well?Can she have a try?Do not perfect can tolerate?Do not trust the child’s words and deeds: the child said stomach pain uncomfortable, you said: “true pain or false pain?Don’t pretend to be sick because you don’t want to go to kindergarten!”The child is alone in the room for a long time, and you think, “Is this sabotage?Is he playing with his cell phone or watching cartoons?When your child is criticized by the teacher, you can’t help but ask: “Why did the teacher only criticize you?There must be something wrong with you.”In situations like this, you oscillate between trust and distrust.Because we’re always afraid, what if the kid lies?Dabao also didn’t want to go to school because he lied about his stomachache.A little probing proved that she was lying.It’s all too easy for savvy adults to spot the lies of innocent children!But what is there to be proud of?Children lie, there must be a reason, exposed lies, can not solve the reason.When I was a kid, I got sick because I didn’t want to go to school.Until now, I still remember how I felt at that time. It was a very nervous gamble — I risked my health to trust my parents.My parents never expose, they will be concerned about my body as usual.Then, seemingly innocently, ask me the real reason for my reluctance to go to school and address my annoyance at the root.Let me know that speaking up can be accepted, and there’s no need to lie.Now that I’m a parent, I realize that’s just a lot of lying.After raising children, I really want to say to my parents: “Thank you for giving me face.”Protecting your child from the shame of being caught on the spot and knowing that you can be loved unconditionally is the right way to develop high self-esteem!Every child is born into the world, the people he trusts most are his parents.If their parents don’t trust them, their children feel like they have been abandoned by the whole world, alone and helpless.Joyce Blazer said, “The best proof of love is trust. Trust is the best love for a child.”The more trust you receive, the higher your child’s self-esteem will be.So trust for us is a verb, not a noun, and we need to show our children that you believe in them.When children make mistakes, capricious, there will be a inexplicable anger hit.No matter when and where, there is an uncontrollable desire to correct them and educate them.Some people even think that children should be taught in front of others, and only when they learn to lose face can they learn to remember.However, this will only bring shame to the child, for their own mistakes will be ignored.Because it is easy for the child to focus on the outside world, the current feeling is ugly and shameful, rather than wrong itself, and even will be disgusted by it.Think about it. When you are reprimanded in public by your boss, what is your first thought? Are you embarrassed to think about how to leave quickly, or how to improve your mistake?It must all be the former.Zheng Yuanjie, the king of fairy tales, mentioned in How to Destroy Your Children that the ultimate killer card to completely destroy a child is to embarrass the child in public, to insult him or disparage him in front of outsiders (classmates/relatives/neighbors) and make him feel ashamed.Children can be managed when they are in charge, but it is best to criticize children in a separate space with children, not to teach children in public outside, respect the TA’s face, but also to save our decency.The less parents publicize their children’s faults, the more their children value their own reputation and work harder to maintain others’ good opinion of them.The more you expose your child’s faults in public and embarrass him or her, the more disrespectful he or she will be, and the more difficult it will be to discipline.Remember “teenager said”, there is a high girl Ye Zhiqing came to the stage to shout mother, I hope my mother can close the door to educate themselves, don’t always lose his temper in front of outsiders.Mother disagrees: Outside, is the mother’s face important, or the child’s face important?Obviously, many adults automatically assume that children don’t want face.When a child lets himself down outside (rolling around in the supermarket to buy candy, stealing other children’s toys), he loses face. After some discipline, face can be recovered.When children behave badly outside (dance as fast as others, blend into the environment as fast as others), they lose face, ridicule, face back.”My children are hard, dancing is a fool, not expecting to learn anything!””This child is too introverted, do not love to say hello not social, do not care about him, you play first.”I don’t know if the adult’s face is found, but announcing the child’s fault in public and making him ashamed is undoubtedly equivalent to stepping on the ground of the good impression that the child carefully maintains, which is too damaging to the child’s self-esteem.Writer Tong Hua said, “Children are often more proud than adults, because the world is small, so all the little things are small.”There are a thousand ways to hurt a child’s self-esteem, whether intentional or unintentional.But rebuilding is a slow and difficult process.Let’s be a couple of parents who zip up and act properly.If you like today’s article, “Parent-child” magazine introduces the national excellent children’s periodicals recommended by the National Press and Publication Administration, the 20-year quality assurance of parent-child magazine official Douyin number source: CC Parents editor: Deng Shanshan Review: Li Shan, Zeng Yang